home sweet apartment...

i'm here... i made it...

yea!!! i'll write more when i have the time...

but it's late and i'm sleepy...

what AM i gonna do with all that junk, all that junk inside my trunk?

there is much to write... the hour is late... the words will go unwritten...

except to say...

i'm alive... the drive was long and is not over yet... and the title of the post explains it all...

days that seem to last forever and goodbyes that are over in the blink of an eye...

i don't have much time or energy to write... it's late and i need to get sleep before i start the journey - in just 8 hours...

the days have been lasting forever... i feel like the last few days have lasted a month... and yet, as i say goodbye to each person that i won't see for many months, if ever, the moment is gone before i have a chance to realize it...

i've cried many tears... saying goodbye is hard... there are many emotions that i'm feeling right now... this is the hardest move i've ever had... no exceptions...

christmas was great... the christmas part, anyway... i was back and forth to my apartment a few times today... and i turned in the keys this evening and drove away... erin, who has been my lifesaver this week (and next week), asked me if i needed a moment as i was leaving #33 for the last time... she was getting a little emotional/sad... and i told her...

when you've moved as many times as me, it's not about the buildings but the people and relationships... i won't miss the apartment, i'll miss my friends and northwest family...

my heart is sad tonight... there's excitement about the journey ahead, but mostly i feel anxiety and sadness... and that's something most of the people waiting for me at the other end won't really "get" - i don't know if anyone really does... and i feel like a jerk when i am not excited... it's going to be a rough few weeks...

but for now, i need sleep or else tomorrow will be horrible!!!

a few things i forgot...

*i got some new ringtones for my phone... so now, if you call, it rings cyndi lauper's good enough, which makes me happy... i also got switch by will smith... when i change it to that, i might not answer my phone anymore because i'll be dancing... so if you call, and i don't answer, call again and let my dance party continue!

*this one is not one i take lightly...

while i was sitting in the crazy traffic, i got a phone call from one of my old youth girls... i can assure you that i've done the worst job at keeping in touch with all of them... it was one of those things that when they all graduated and went to college, they grew up so much... and i didn't keep up with most of them then, and now, i'd have no idea where most of them are...

jessica is one that i actually keep up with on a fairly regular basis... we talk once every six to nine months... we usually talk about her boyfriend (i can't remember if they're engaged yet, but they're planning on getting married next summer, i think)... and about my lack of settling down...

so i'm sitting in traffic, and my phone rings... "good enough... for me... good enough... it's good, good enough for me... yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah..." and i look down and see that it's her... and i was really excited to be getting a random fun phone call while sitting in insane traffic...

hello?

and i hear it... there's sadness mixed with a tear-filled voice... robyn??

what's wrong? what happened?

lydia was killed in a car accident friday night.

lydia's mom and i taught their sunday school class together... she was the one, who by appearances, was the least drama of all of them... those girls got in fights a lot... they had grown up together and seen each other through a lot of good times and a lot of bad times... the trouble is, they would remember the wrongs suffered too often... that's the way it is with teenage girls... sometimes knowing each other well opens itself up to being more of ammunition and less of compassion and understanding...

but lydia always seemed above it... she knew what was going on, but she never got too involved... she was a great kid... smart, athletic, and the peacemaker... that's what i always saw, anyway...

i honestly had no idea what she's been up to in life... i'm thinking she might have been driving home after her finals...

and i have no words... the funeral is thursday... there's absolutely no way that i can get there for the funeral... so sad...

random sunday night post...

i am sitting here watching national lampoon's christmas vacation as i felt the need to give a little update about what's going on... (i was inspired by amy's post and it's been a while)

*i leave the northwest in about a week... next monday morning... but the good news is, i don't have to drive alone... my mom, who is amazing, is paying for a friend of mine to fly back after riding with me to tennessee...

*i can't get my cd drive on my laptop to work... it ticks me off that i couldn't get a new computer while i'm still here because of the dumb towing incident... my laptop definitely needs to be replaced... it works, but i don't know how much longer it's going to hold out... i am not replacing the cd/dvd drive - i've already had to replace the hard drive... i need to change subjects...

*i talked to a friend today and told her about the furniture i needed to get rid of... her brother is moving and needs all of it... i am officially done trying to get rid of furniture, which is amazing!!!

*i went to a great thai restaurant for lunch today with friends... i've wanted to eat there for about a year and a half, if not longer than that... it was good... then, afterward, we went shopping... by the time we got to the shop, it was snowing... the big flakes... we shopped for 10 minutes, went outside and took a picture... and then, rather than going home (which i should have done), i went to go have coffee and look at books at powell's books... we were there for a while... and then we went to walk around in the snow... because it was fun... i left to go home about 3:45... it usually takes me about 15-20 minutes to get home... today it took me two hours - combination of slick roads and holiday shopping traffic... but it snowed today!!!

*the weather is kind of crazy... some freezing rain... there's a tiny possibility i won't have to work tomorrow... i'm trying not to hope/wish too hard... i would love an extra day of the weekend, even though i have so much to do at work this week...

*i haven't really started packing... this week is going to be the craziest week ever

*i got a ton of christmas shopping done... all i have left is part of mom's, erin and alyssa...

i'll post pictures of the snow from today soon... they're fun pictures!!! it was really beautiful!

i can't think of anything else right off the top of my head tonight... and i need to proof the paper and clean a little bit, in case i do have to work tomorrow... and then i'm getting some sleep!!!

so it turns out, i'm more of an every-other-week-kind-of-girl...

i don't want to make excuses... i don't have trivia done for today... partially because of life being crazy and partially because i don't feel like it... but i have a few announcements and a possibility for points...

i will continue posting movie trivia on thursdays as much as possible...

i am also starting a new competition and depending on the way it goes, it may, in the future, replace regular movie trivia days... (i am stealing the idea from a friend of a friend, because i thought it would be a fun new thing for us to try...)

here's how it will work... starting january 2, (giving me time to work up some trivia, move across the country and have a day to settle) i will post one question a day. It will be related to movies, tv, pop culture... but probably mostly movies... i haven't completely decided what the theme will be, so i'm leaving it open for now...

in order to answer the question, participants must email me the answer (not leaving it as a comment). each person who emails me the correct answer on the day the question is posted will receive one point. (or whatever point value i assign)... yes, you heard right, every person can get the points if they answer correctly... it's not only who gets it first... but you only get one guess... so, if your answer is wrong or you don't answer it the same day it's posted, no points for the day...

let me recap the rules:
1) a question will be posted
2) anyone wishing to answer the question must email the answer to me the same day
3) anyone answering correctly on the same day will receive points
4) only one guess per person per question

but i haven't gotten to the best part yet...

at the end of january (31st), whoever has the most points will win the competition...

what will they win, bob? A NEW CAR!!! ...not really

but, the winner will receive a $10 gift card to the store of their choice.

any questions?

now... today's opportunity for points... anyone answering will receive points as long as they put an answer that is valid... list your top 5 movies of 2005... in order of preference for you... they have to have been released (in the theater sometime in 2005)... each complete answer will be worth 2500 points (you have to list 5 to get the full 2500 points)...

friends don't let friends go to bad christmas parties...

Sometimes I wonder if people actually think about what they say before it comes out of their mouths. Many times I say things without thinking about the consequences and sometimes it comes back to haunt me…

But this entry isn’t about an oops moment that I had… trust me, I’ve had my fair share… but this time it’s about something else...

Tonight we had our staff Christmas party… it was a low-key Christmas thing… get there, eat, play a game or two, sing Christmas songs and hear a devotional… and they usually do presentations that need to be done at the time…

So usually, when someone is leaving the convention, the staff (exec. dir.) will present them with something, say something nice about the person leaving and open it up for others to say something… I am leaving soon, but didn’t know whether to expect anything because I’ve just been working for the convention for a year...

Right before we started singing, my “big boss” called me and another lady up to the front. She retired from working with the seminary and today was her last day. He had us both stand at the front and he said he wanted to talk about me first… so he goes on to say that he jokes around with me at the office… the truth of the matter is, he usually “jokes” around and it just gets on my nerves… he’ll come past my office and turn off the lights or try to sneak my food away from in front of me when I’m reading the newspaper at lunch… but from time to time he will say that I need to find a husband…

I never find that “joke” funny… I don’t know if I’m too uptight about the single issue, but it’s just not something that seems funny to me… maybe because it’s not something I can really “do” or maybe because I really wanted to be married for a long time (until a few months ago)… and besides, it’s not really funny… I laugh at things that are funny… I don’t laugh at that joke…

So, tonight, after he says that we joke around with each other, he said, “I usually say she needs to find a husband…” and then says, “When you go to Nashville, keep walking with God and find a husband. I know God will provide not only a man, but a Godly man.” and I guess that should be comforting or encouraging, but instead it just stung… I assure you that no one has ever heard me say that I’m moving to Nashville to find a husband or that I’m expecting to find a husband in Nashville – because I’m not and I don’t. To be honest, it’s about the last thing on my mind… but I stood there, in front of all my coworkers and their spouses and listened to him not talk about my work qualities or character qualities, but my marital state… and it made me feel small… not size small… but inadequate small… and that isn’t a good feeling to me…

I hate that people can make me feel that way, but many times, people do…

I pretty much cried off and on throughout all the singing and through part of the devotional… and immediately following the party, someone came up and asked if it bothered me that he said that, and the tears started flowing again… we stood and talked about it for a while… she encouraged me to say something to him, but I’m not sure I’ll take that advice…

Then, my supervisor (my boss, but not my “big boss”) comes over, puts his arm around my neck, and says (so that no one else can hear), “I know it’s not mine to say, but I’m sorry…” which makes me cry harder than any of the rest of it… I don’t know why that hit so hard, but it did… maybe because it was in such contrast to the earlier statements… or the manner of it was…

And then, the kicker of it all… someone else said something about me finding a husband in Nashville right before I left… and I said, “you know, I am not really looking for a husband…” and she replied with, “well, that’s when God will give you one.” And if you know anything about me, it was all I could do to stand there and not say anything… (because I HATE that fallacy!) and she went on to talk about how amazed she was at women who could be involved in ministry and be single – but it didn’t really sound like a positive statement… it definitely sounded condescending… but I could be wrong… it was just definitely rubbing the wrong way…

So I made some comment about how much life I had to live, and all the places I had to go and not wanting some man tagging along… because that would be mildly acceptable to her and it would also get her off my back about finding “the one.”

I thought parties were supposed to be fun.